I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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