Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
