dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
