there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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