Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
