Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
