so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
