im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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