Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
