You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
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Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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