Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
