No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
