Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
