i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
