New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
