My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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