they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
