i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
