Sponge bath it is.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
