my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
