For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
