Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
