I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
