Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
