3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
