I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
