WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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