And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
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Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize