I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
