it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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