We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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