She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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