Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We don't watch enough power rangers
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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