love makes seman taste better
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
