I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
