I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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