If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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