btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
even my farts smell like vagina
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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