Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
MIDGETS
????
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
