I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
