just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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