Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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