So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
