Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
