White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize