he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
