To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
