I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
