Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
