Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
