just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
