Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
