Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
