He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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