i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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