Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
