if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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