If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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