So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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