We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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