Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
