thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
