she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
