Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
