I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
