She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
