Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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