omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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