Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
