The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
