so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
