I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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