Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Randomize
