Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I faked an abortion last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
