Can Purell be used as lube?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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