just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
