So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
