so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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