My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
