The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
